Love laced with anxiety has led me to depression and more self-abuseLiving, loving, learning, in life is what keeps the world spinning. How do people with Depression and Anxiety disorders find can’t-live-without-you love?
By using Karmic law you can bring love to you, by being loving to all. If money is what you need then be generous to others. Karma and physics seem to be one and the same, using that logic, if it was true for Newton, shouldn’t it be true for us? When we use positive thinking to cancel the negatives we learn to cope in a better way.
Band-Aids cover the ouch’s for so long, they fix nothing and as my adult life fell apart. I began to take even more pills per day to calm me. Doctors have prescribed medications to me like handy’s from a three-dollar prostitute, quick and with little discretion. Medications work to slow the crazy but even at my best while on these drugs I feel 60-80% like a real person. My brain is fogged, my liver angry and the bipolar roller coaster was a sentence away from anyone with the courage to disagree with me. I was volatile, reacting in anger because f-them if they hate me, I hate them more… My adult self can see the childishness in that sentence and yet, using it. I was Assuming all over the place, and much like our local meteorologist, I was generally wrong.
If you are anything like me, I am far harder on myself whether it was my fault or not. I will internalize and brutalize myself like a tough steak just pounding away obsessing over every detail. I can tell you from experience nothing good comes from internal beat downs. The best method for me is to breathe and circle back. Changing my thinking and refocusing my energy from kicking my own butt to maybe organizing the whole house, again. Go with what works for you.
This is my Honesty, for me, honestly: When I look back at my life, I feel betrayed by the hand I have been dealt. I am really angry at people in my life for not understanding; I am angry at God for making my Journey that much harder and at myself for my inability to keep my shit together. I keep repeating the same patterns and I don’t know if it’s my disabilities or just me that keeps me going in circles. I want a normal life with normal problems, wouldn’t it be lovely.