Depression | Self Improvement

​Intention or Intervention?

July 17, 2019

Intentions take the spotlight tonight, People of No-it-all Street.

man in blue and brown plaid dress shirt touching his hair Intentions can be what you want to happen or wishing well to others. If we do not set mindful intentions to break away from past behaviors we break ourselves! I am working on more mindful intentions with less intervention from my inner child, that little b that is inside of me. Life throws you curveballs, the world is unfair and recently when I got hit with a curveball out of nowhere all my techniques to cope went through me without stopping by. I did not follow my own advice, instead, I allowed the situation to bang me in the backside like a scene from Game of Thrones. I was swayed by my worst roommates,  inner A-hole and my inner child mini-me. Together they formed a band and blew me sky high with their song that sounded a little something like…You blew it! We knew it!pexels-photo-551588

I had allowed the suck to swallow me whole and gave in to my emotions which, let’s be honest, has never ended as well as I wished it would. I would love for this to be a tale of victory, where my disabilities were overcome and I saved the day! but in actuality, I looked like an idiot with a panic attack of magnificent proportions. I was younger, my panic response was needed to keep me safe. Sometimes grownup me cannot tell that we have grown up. Grown-up me forgets that the best thing to do is shelf it for a minute. Take deep breathes maybe take a Xanax and mull it over. I forget about my therapist Merica’s wise words and revert to my inner kiddo, my mini-me if you will.

My inner child is ready and able to jump in with little to no invitation and her intentions are to be heard and heard she was.  When My inner child has the floor I am without a doubt lost to her whims, regardless of the blowout she provides.  As a child, I would intentionally fade into myself to try to stay safe. While I appreciate the past protection my mini-me provided when I was young, she has truly screwed me repeatedly as an adult with her childish behavior. pexels-photo-576831 How to explain my feelings in a panic moment to people who do not have such ailments, hmmm? Have you ever been late in your life for anything important? You know that feeling in your belly that it is out of your control like butterflies but not in a good way?  I feel anxious like that all the time, late or not, good times or not. I am at a five, on any given day and that’s with meds. Now times that by a thousand and you will maybe catch a glimpse of what it feels like to lose it and know you are losing it but unable to stop. In order for me to move forward, I have set Mindful intentions for my life so that I can find some peace from this beast that is pure panic.  Today I have different intentions for my life and that is to take it back from a mini-me and stop giving my power to be calm away to anyone. Franky, it is an exhausting roller coaster ride and I want to stop the cycle. The way to break that cycle is to keep Failing Fabolously while setting intentions to avoid interventions later on. How to set an intention toward being a better you? Consider what your ideals are, what you want to accomplish by focusing your intentions. Be very clear in your intentions on what you want to change about yourself. Be aware of your surroundings and if you screw up and your little mini-me comes out. Be kind to yourself and set a new intention for tomorrow. I have a list of intentions, I read it out loud to myself every day. While I sit on my patio and drink my caffeine. Daily intentions for Nik; Today I will be tactful, be mindful, be kind, be compassionate, breathe, be calm, way all sides, strive for harmony and pay attention to details. I can tell you I do not always make Nik of the week, but I have gotten through a whole day before… so that’s progress. Till next time my intentional trainees. J is the letter Just for you next time. Happy healing, Nik

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