Intentions take the spotlight tonight, People of No-it-all Street.
Intentions can be what you want to happen or wishing well to others. If we do not set mindful intentions to break away from past behaviors we break instead. I am working on more mindful intentions with less intervention from my inner child, that little b inside of me.
Life throws you curveballs, the world is unfair and recently when I got hit with a curveball out of nowhere all my techniques to cope went through me without stopping by.
I did not follow my own advice, instead, I allowed the situation to bang me in the backside like a scene from Game of Thrones. I was swayed by my inner a-hole or inner child.
I had allowed the suck to swallow me whole and gave in to my emotions. If I am completely honest, has never ended as well as I wished it would have. I would love for this to be a tale of victory, where my disabilities were overcome and I saved the day! but in actuality, I looked like an idiot with a panic attack of magnificent proportions.
When I was younger, my panic response was a primal need. Sometimes grownup me cannot tell that we have grown up. Grown-up me forgets that the best thing to do is shelf it for a minute. Take deep breathes maybe take a Xanax and mull it over. I forget about my therapist Erica’s wise words and revert to my old ways. My inner child perks up and her intentions are to be heard and heard she was.
When My inner child has the floor I am without a doubt lost to her whims, regardless of the blowout she provides.
While I appreciate the past protection my inner me has provided me when I was young; Her impractical freak outs have truly screwed me repeatedly as an adult with my panicked behavior.
How do I explain my feelings in a panic moment to people who do not have Panic attacks?
Have you ever been late in your life for anything important? You know that feeling in your belly that it is out of your control like butterflies but not in a good way? I feel anxious like that all the time, late or not, good times or not. I am at a five, on any given day and that’s with meds. Now times that by a thousand and you will maybe catch a glimpse of what it feels like to lose it and know you are losing it but unable to stop.
In order for me to move forward, I have set Mindful intentions for my life so that I can find some peace from this beast that is pure panic. Today I have different intentions for my life and that is to take control and stop giving my power to be calm away to anyone.
Franky, it is an exhausting roller coaster ride of constant emotions and I want this ride to be over.
Be aware of your surroundings and if you screw up and your little you comes out. Be kind to yourself and set a new intention for tomorrow. I have a list of intentions, I read it out loud to myself every day. While I sit on my patio and drink my caffeine.
Daily intentions for Nik;
Today I will be tactful, be mindful, be kind, be compassionate, breathe, be calm, way all sides, strive for harmony and pay attention to details.
I can tell you I do not always make Nik of the week, but I have gotten through a whole day before… so that’s progress. Till next time my intentional trainees.