Anxiety is No Match for the B,

That’s right its that time again, to chit chat about anxiety and a B,  a B-word actually.

There are so many B’s that I would love to shout about. I think this B is the b of all b’s, you might say the bee’s knees. The word of the week is Bearings, yes bearings, I know it’s not as strong as brave but it is sturdy. Knowing your bearings is being aware of what’s around you and which direction you want to go. I am sure by now you can tell I am not one of those, “You just have to stay positive people.” I say f positive and her sister acceptance too.

I realize that norms, may find that staying positive in the face of difficulty works for them and I think that is awesome. I used to wish for once I could let something go or not internalize every little thing. To be able to do things out of order and still be successful in them oh norms how I envy.
Having panic attacks and mind-numbing anxiety has not allowed for the laid back lifestyle I have longed for. Any deviation from what is anticipated sends a tailspin into f-upidness. I prefer for everything to flow nicely with few surprises because that happens right? but having your bearings in an unbearable world can help ease anxiety.

I have backups of most everything just in case the world ends. I try to make sure that all of my plans have variant plans perhaps to flee the country, I am not sure, I know, totally reasonable. Life, being the backstabbing other B that she is, really does not appreciate my sense of order.

woman with arms outstretched against blue sky
Photo by Chevanon Photography

Which brings me to when things are not going in an orderly fashion I had to learn to buckle up buttercups and deal, oh yeah, stuff just got real.
My reactions have been a distraction for my entire life. Panic filled reactions have screwed me so many times I feel like we are in an abusive relationship. I lose it and panic over things that really were not worth the panic they were paved with. The fun sparks that create an unbearable experience for myself and all those present have without a doubt made my rocky road into a cliff.
I have a wonderfully direct and dead-on a therapist. I am sure she doesn’t want me to say her name but she is amazing Erica Remsberg. Erica is amazing at dealing with traumatized b’s like me, she tells me like it is when I am seeing it like it ain’t. Erica has spent years on me, teaching me to feel again, the greatest lesson I have ever learned in my life.

But it’s a B week so that will have to wait for L anyway back to B.

I used to respond to anxiety with Xanax and a mountain of SSI’s. Working with Erica has helped me find my bearings with less medication but I will never be free of prescriptions. I did try to go commando but it was definitely a foolish road.

When I  am medicated I feel much calmer about the world and I start to think I can handle people without medication, time divided by me unmedicated equals I cannot. Crazy no meds me,  is waiting in the shadows and she loves a good freak out. Generally, I am back on all medications within a month of that stupid act of rebellion.

Using my bearings and my medications have helped me have a stronger sense of direction. I am learning coping mechanisms that ground me. I wonder less on PTSD lane because I now know the direction I am headed. All of those words translate to using your bearings to consider coping, direction, and grounding.

I stop the madness before it begins by reaching for a big bowl of bearings. I feel we are all on a journey and we can leave this world better or worse for it. I choose better, I am aware of how hard it is to refocus your mind to become better, not bitter. I fight the bitter me every day.

To fight your inner anxieties, figure out your ways to navigate by squaring your bearings. Do not stop believing in yourself that you can change your life, no matter what you are facing or faced with. Learn where you want to go and head in that direction and if things try to deviate you, well you smack um in the face with your bearings bowl and you keep on going towards your goals. No matter what we do, have done or will do, there is always tomorrow to fix yourself or your actions.  I hope this helps, till next week, c’s you later…yeah, that just happened.
Happy Healing,

Nik

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2 comments

  1. Nik you’re an unbelievable writer. I myself struggle just like you. I find most people are not willing or wanting to discuss metal health, when in fact lost of us suffer with it I’m some way. I appreciate your blog and look forward to the next. Keep em coming!

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