H is for Honesty! honestly my health inspectors!
Honesty: To have integrity, to be free from deception. To live your truth.
Finding freedom from deception is cleansing. But how, you may be asking, do you live an honest life in a world where truth is perceived and not absolute?
It is cleansing to swim in a pool of honesty and Honestly, we have to go through the layers of bs we have built to get to healing ourselves. Finding my own personal truth is a journey that I am learning to enjoy although the intensity can be overwhelming. I had to learn that If I was not willing to rip myself apart with my own personal truth than I was doomed to remain on the hamster wheel; Going in circles repeating the same BS mistakes.
I cannot change what has happened in my life, the choices I have made in the past have made me who I am now. Nor can I expect others to bow down before me because bad things happened that were beyond my control. In life, we have to play the cards we are dealt and sometimes that hand is crap. Life is complex and believes me I know that it is a lot easier to blame others for unhappiness than to blame yourself. We control our happiness, it is all on us to find our own path to happiness, the blame gaming is just going to hold you back, forgive and move on.
To find the peace and understanding we all crave we have to adapt our lives. We cannot control other people nor their perceptions of who we are. We should Thank God, we can change the way we deal with it. I know you are giving me the stink eye right now, as we with mental challenges did not choose to be how you are, I can assure you no one chooses to be a jerk or social outcast even norms. While life may not be fair for us at least we have the ability to choose calm over crazy.
Honest to God I am living an honest life now and its hard to be so open and vulnerable. But I have tried everything else but facing myself
My M.O. is a mofo, just a constant circle of f-upidness that keeps spinning like the skinny b’s in a cycle class….going nowhere but going fast.
This is my Honesty, for me honestly: When I look back at my life, I feel betrayed by the hand I have been dealt. I am really angry at people in my life for not understanding, at God for making my Journey that much harder and at myself for my inability to keep my shit together. I keep repeating the same patterns and I don’t know if it’s my disabilities or just me that keeps me going in circles. I keep reverting back to my old patterns, the same mistakes regarding life choices.
I am learning and I will continue to be honest with myself and with others because frankly I am tired of the ride and I want to get off. I am breaking this cycle, by writing and by reading, watching, learning, as much as I can about my disorders. I am being honest and being kind to myself while going through this as it is a lot…who knew personal growth is possible?
I say find an outlet, paint, write, run, whatever helps you clear the fog in your head so you can see the truth of the situation and not the story you are making up as you go along but the objective truth based on facts.
If you have not watched the Netflix special from Berne Brown yet then I highly suggest you do so. Ms Brown changed my life with her simple statement of “the Story I am Telling Myself (Brown, 2019) . ” Watch the vid for more info on her message, she really helped me.
Before I board the train to unhinged heights, I think to myself, okay, so what’s the reals here, what’s the story? Then I do the most amazing thing ever, I write that story up and try to figure out if I am crazy or killing it with my meticulous insight. Guess which one generally wins in that war of the hemispheres.
We want people to like us especially if we are outside the social norms and I say F people-pleasing and stop going the extra mile for validation from people that really do not matter in the grand scheme of life. Be honest with yourself and with the people that matter in your life. Talk it out with someone you trust and learn to live a life of personal honesty. Be brave and be yourself and I promise, it’s a start towards happiness. I am telling you by being your true self, you will free your soul and fill your life with self-empowerment. Be the best you and be kind to yourself in this process we are all struggling with something, honestly.
Next week we see I is everywhere!!
“Brené Brown: The Call to Courage.” Netflix Official Site, 19 Apr. 2019, www.netflix.com/title/81010166.