Navigating life By changing the Narrative

Narrative: the story, the juicy, the words we use to star in our own show! Here is my narrative you Naughty-no-it-alls

Once upon a time, there was a girl, born into a house that already had too many mouths to feed. She was born early with pneumonia, they thought she would not make it but she came into this world a fighter and so she has fought to create her whole life whether a fight was needed or not.

close up of eyeglasses on book
Photo by ugurlu 

This girl was born into a home filled with neglect and felt all alone even when surrounded by her family. She did not see things the way her family did and was looked at as different even today. She survived in the distance, never excluded but never included by her siblings as they were much older than she. She acted out, to be seen and it got her nowhere. She went through so many wrongs as a young adult; She had been abused, molested, misguided misinformed and mostly alone, but she survived.

She had disorders, some from trauma, some from genetics. She learned to mask most of her symptoms so she could survive. She lied to herself and convinced herself that if she just pushed it all down and buried her pain deep, she could survive and survive she did.

She was an artist at masking her pain through anger and sarcasm.  keeping anyone who could love her at arm’s length so she could survive. But the bitter betty she had become was not working anymore. She was tired of being alone, work being successful had stopped being her savior, she needed to learn to live not just survive. She was a time bomb and she was ticking away until she imploded. She could no longer function it was time to face herself or end it all because living as she was, was too much.

She came to a crossroads, she decided to try therapy one more time.

person holding pen
Photo by Oleg Magni 

She hoped that there was more to life than just surviving, she began to see Erica the therapist. She has had many setbacks and several bouts of devastation but all of her guards are coming down and she and her therapist are beginning to go through the many layers of her past. together they are stripping away from the past and creating pathways to happiness.

She has found strength by leaning into her pain, she is becoming the person she always wanted to be, at peace with herself. While her struggle is far from over the path to salvation has been selected.

She now knows that real strength is not blocking the pain or masking it, but going through it and learning from it. She is a better person and she is truly grateful for everything she has gone through because it has made her who she is today and that person is truly f-ing amazing.

Thank you, Erica, for seeing what I couldn’t see and then making me see it too.

Happy healing,

Nik

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