I have spent a lifetime allowing others to define me by my subpar behavior, by my outbursts and my forgetfulness; By my high high highs to my low low lows But OCD will not control me.
Band-Aids cover the ouch’s for so long, they fix nothing and as my adult life fell apart. I began to take even more pills per day to calm me. Doctors have prescribed medications to me like handy’s from a three-dollar prostitute, quick and with little discretion. Medications work to slow the crazy but even at my best while on these drugs I feel 60-80% like a real person. My brain is fogged, my liver angry and the bipolar roller coaster was a sentence away from anyone with the courage to disagree with me. I was volatile, reacting in anger because f-them if they hate me, I hate them more… My adult self can see the childishness in that sentence and yet, using it. I was Assuming all over the place, and much like our local meteorologist, I was generally wrong.
My reactions have been a distraction for my entire life. Panic filled reactions have screwed me so many times I feel like we are in an abusive relationship. I lose it and panic over things that really were not worth the panic they were paved with. The fun sparks that create an unbearable experience for myself and all those present have without a doubt made my rocky road into a cliff.
Whether you worry yourself to death or throw your problems to the wind, The outcome is generally out of your hands. In other words, whatever problems plaguing you, will plague you whether you sit at home and think about them for 48 hours in a row; Or go live your life and maybe go to the beach or whatever the f you northerners do to relax. Enjoy your life like a real person even when there is the trouble is choosing to enjoy your life. I am going to try like hell to enjoy my life right now, off for margaritas, F is the treat for next week finally.
Failure is a chance to rebuild yourself and become who you want to be. Defy Depression fail fabulously.